Control

Fear creates a need for something to be done in order to keep oneself safe.

People with OCPD are preoccupied with control because doing something rather than nothing gives them a sense of security from their fear.

I have a friend who has a fear of spiders. When he finds a spider in my bathroom, his mind alerts him, “Danger!” He feels compelled to do something in order to protect himself. He kills the spider right away and flushes it down the toilet to control his fear.

For all of us without arachnophobia, it is easy to say to him that the spider poses no real threat to our survival. Most of us may have the freedom to continue on our business in the bathroom without feeling as much need to do something about that spider.

In the same way that my friend feels the need to do something about that spider, people with OCPD feel the need to do something about the world around them and the uncomfortable emotions inside of them that they fear.


SO WHAT NOW?

ADVICE FOR HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE WHO ARE PREOCCUPIED WITH CONTROL:
As long as you keep on controlling your fears, you will prevent yourself from facing your fears. You will not get to personally experience that you will be just fine, that things will be ok. Rather than controlling your fears, try to let go and think positively.

ADVICE FOR PARTNERS/FRIENDS/LOVED ONES OF HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE WHO ARE PREOCCUPIED WITH CONTROL:
Try to understand that your friend’s need for control comes from his or her anxiety and fear. Try your best to be a source of comfort and security. Submitting to the control of your friend will only temporarily alleviate his or her anxiety. Doing this occasionally may be appropriate some times to not push your friend off the edge of his or her fear. But when he or she is in a calm state, help your friend identify the root of his or her need for control, invite him or her to let go of control, and comfort him or her by saying, “Don’t worry. Everything is going to be just fine” (be a voice of positivity in his or her life).

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