Does it make any sense for Spider-Man to get upset and complain about how nobody else is fighting crime in the way that he fights crime? No. Does it make any sense for Jiro, the world’s most famous sushi chef, to get upset and complain about how his wife fails to make sushi at home in the way that he makes sushi? No. Why then do we get upset and complain when others fail to match the high standards that have been set by our own unique areas of giftedness?
When people fail to recognize one another’s unique areas of giftedness, they tend to get upset and complain when their high standards are not matched by others.
I believe all people are gifted in at least one area in their life. Unfortunately, many people go through life never finding out what it is that they are gifted in. You then end up with people who think this way in their respective areas of giftedness:
“My standards are the standards that everyone should go by because I am right and they are wrong. I expect others to work as hard as I do to match those standards. If they fail, I get upset and complain. I quit on people easily if they keep on failing to match my standards.”
This way of thinking can cause a lot of stress, especially on relationships. Because of their multiple areas of giftedness (including orderliness, organization, analytical thinking, logical reasoning, problem solving, and many other functions of the “left brain”), many people with OCPD face this problem a bit too often. This way of thinking is the number one reason why so many people with OCPD have difficult marriages, relationships, and business partnerships.
When people recognize their own unique areas of giftedness, their way of thinking changes:
“I understand that my high standards are unique to me and not shared by the majority of the population. It is not their fault that they cannot see what I see. Therefore, I do not get upset nor do I complain when my standards are not matched by others. I find delight in doing my very best to match my own standards. Since my pursuit of excellence requires only my best effort, I have no reason to quit on others.”
This way of thinking is so much healthier. If more people with OCPD were to think in this way, they would have much less stress and enjoy better relationships. Click here to read an inspiring poem that beautifully captures this healthy way of thinking.
It took me a while to discover my gift in relationships, marriage, family, and parenting. Before I knew I was gifted in this area, I used to get upset and complain to my parents about their poor parenting skills (this never went too well because, in Korean culture, younger people are expected to pretty much shut up and submit to authority). It was when I discovered my gift in this area that I realized that my parents were not so bad after all. I realized that it is just up to me to be the best son that I can be, the best future husband that I can be, and the best future father that I can be. If my parents, my future wife, or my future children cannot be the same for me, well… that is ok. I now understand that we all have “different” areas of giftedness.