Getting hurt by others is a normal part of life. No matter how hard you try to protect yourself, you’re going to get hurt. What do you expect? We live in an imperfect world with a bunch of imperfect people. Still, no matter how normal it is, when we get hurt by others, thoughts will enter our head. Some of these thoughts are good for you and some of these thoughts are bad for you. And if you think in one of these ways repetitively for a long time, you may begin to compulsively think in that way.
Generally, history can be some kind of indicator for what might happen in the future. So let’s say I want to have an outdoor bbq on a sunny day. To better my chances for good weather, I can look at past years’ weather reports and make an educated guess.
You should, however, not apply this same approach to people, especially if your final assessment causes you to distance yourself from people.
Here are some examples:
You’re a girl and you’ve been cheated on and your heart’s been broken by many guys. Since your 1st guy, 2nd guy, and 3rd guy happened to be douchebags, you start to believe that all guys are douchebags. So when you’re around guys, you keep your distance and you don’t share your heart anymore.
You live in a poor neighbourhood and you keep on getting mugged by people of the same colour. Since it happens again and again by the same kind of people, you feel negatively towards that people group.
The news and media loves to broadcast the violence and bigotry of a small group of angry religious fundamentalists. You see these events on the news happening again and again… that you begin to believe that religion and people who follow them are toxic to the world. So you avoid them altogether.
You’re married and your husband has failed to meet your needs again and again. So all the things that you would appreciate, you keep it all to yourself because you expect him to fail and you believe that he doesn’t care about you.
These are all examples of resentment, which is an addiction to thinking negatively about others. To understand how negative thinking can become an addiction, check out my past video on the addiction to negativity.
Resentment expects the worst in people. It causes you to close up and be guarded. Resentment isolates you from people and it grumbles and complains. And its worst consequence, it damages your relationships.